Swimming Back to Myself

Image from Pixabay

Sometimes, you start writing one thing and it turns into another. I was trying to write a lighthearted blog about motherhood, but then postpartum depression overtook me last month.

Along the way to trying to be the best mother I could be, I lost sight of myself. The ironic part is I've always wanted to be a mother. I yearned for a child while I was in my 30s and single.

When I got married and had a baby at age 38, I felt it literally was a miracle. But somewhere along the way with two children, it became less miraculous and more mundane. Less exhilarating -- and more exhausting.

Last week, I started antidepressants and started swimming again. Swimming by myself for 30 minutes without the kids. Swimming in a basic public pool, a rectangle of blue water surrounded by patchy grass.

What I like about swimming outside is that you can't think about anything else except the sky overhead. For that 30 minutes, I felt strong and capable. I just need to remember that feeling the next time I'm overwhelmed by the constant demands of motherhood.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Don't Be Afraid to Hire a Babysitter

My best advice for new moms is: Don't be afraid to hire a babysitter! Bunmi Laditan, the author of "Toddlers Are A**holes: It's Not Your Fault," posted the hilarious video above on the difference between hiring a babysitter for a first child versus a third child.

With my first child, I did not hire any babysitters, determined that only family members would look after my precious son. I only worked for two hours in the morning before my husband left for work. My mother-in-law also watched him once a week so I could run errands.

In hindsight, I was an idiot. With my second child, I hired a babysitter after my daughter was five months old. My mother had moved here by that point, but both grandmothers eventually got tired of watching my daughter after I went back to work part time.

I love both my babysitters. The first babysitter moved to Hawaii after three months. I was so depressed I wore the same outfit for three days after she told me she was moving out of state. (By the way, no one noticed I was wearing the same yoga pants and pullover.)

The second babysitter has been with use for three months, and I am crossing my fingers that she will stay. Having someone else to watch my child and do light housework three mornings a week has made me a much happier mom.

My daughter cried at first when I left with the babysitter. Now she happily gurgles and waves goodbye to me. I don't know which is worse, having her cry when I leave or having her not care at all. But I'm happy to get out the door.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Starbucks, I Can't Quit You

Photo courtesy of Starbucks

After my husband pointed out I spent more than $100 at Starbucks last month, I've been trying to change my evil, coffee-loving ways. The debut of the new Starbucks reward system on April 12 also made it easier to see how much money I was spending for a free coffee.

Under the new system, you need to earn 125 stars for a free food or drink item, which is $62.50. Now if someone said "Hey, if you spend more than $60, you get a free coffee!" I would say that's a horrible deal. But when it's cloaked in shiny stars that pop up on my Starbucks app, it awakens some urge buried since kindergarten to get shiny gold stars.

Finance guru Preet Banerjee serves up a good breakdown of the new Starbucks reward system on YouTube for anyone who's as obsessed as I am with Starbucks. Basically, if you spend less than $5, you were better off under the old system, which rewarded patrons with a free item after 12 visits.

So here I am at Panera, sipping herbal tea and trying to get into the writing groove. I switched tables three times to get comfortable. The first one was too close to the soda machine, with its distracting whirs and gurgles. The second one was too close to a large party discussing something boring. The third table lacked an outlet.

Starbucks, I can't quit you... but my budget needs to quit you for a while.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Humbled by Motherhood: Breastfeeding the Second Child

Image from Pixabay

When I had my second child, I mistakenly thought I knew what I was doing. After all, I had successfully mothered my first-born through his first two years.

Like any odyssey, maternal hubris can only lead to humbling experiences. Finish this sentence: "I'm a good mother because ___________." Whatever you put in that blank will probably not be true for the second child!

"I'm a good mother because I'm good at breastfeeding," was my personal mantra. My son took to breastfeeding right away. I had no problems with milk production. I could have probably fed a small country (Liechtenstein, perhaps?) with the amount of milk I produced.

I breastfed my son everywhere -- at Starbucks, at the zoo, at the park. He was discreetly covered up with a nursing cover, but I would have let it all hang out if I had more bravery to challenge social norms.

When I had my daughter, breastfeeding was not something I worried about. However, she did not latch on, despite my best efforts. I was poked and prodded by nurses, doctors and lactation consultants at the hospital, and the experts finally concluded her mouth was not large enough yet.

I couldn't believe it, I was the queen of breastfeeding! How was this happening? I have a clear memory of my husband feeding her with a dropper in the hospital because she wouldn't take the bottle at first. I felt devastated watching him perform my cherished job, although grateful at the same time.

For the first month, I had to pump and then give her a bottle, which is exhausting when you're not getting any sleep. Eventually, she figured out how to latch on, but I never forgot the humbling experience.

Perhaps it taught me to not rush to judgment when mothers couldn't breastfeed despite their best efforts, or chose not to breastfeed for a variety of reasons. As long as your child is getting enough nutrients, through formula or through breast milk, rest assured you are doing your job as a mother!

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Always Incremental: How Dieting and Writing a Novel Are Alike

Image from Pixabay

My Sunday morning ritual is to go to a Weight Watchers meeting and then write my young adult fantasy novel at a coffee shop. For the first time, it struck me that the process of losing weight and writing are alike. Both are incremental, and no one really notices until you're done.

At my Weight Watchers meeting, a lot of the meeting is pop psychology about how to stay motivated and keep on track. I figure that applies equally well to writing.

For Weight Watchers, I've lost 10 pounds and still have 25 more pounds to go to reach that elusive pre-baby weight.

For my novel, I've written 4,000 words and still have 51,000 more words to go to reach a standard length for the genre.

Starting out on a new diet or a new writing project is always exciting - this time, it's going to be different! I'm always pumped up and full of enthusiasm, but sometimes I get carried away.

I daydream about being a size two, not just a svelte size 10. My debut novel gets turned into the next "Hunger Games" franchise, not just gets published in the first place.

The long slog in the middle is where I usually give up because setbacks happen, and then I end up questioning the wisdom of the whole endeavor, whether it's a diet or a novel.

But this time I'm trying to stick with it, aided by an inspirational quote cribbed from my last Weight Watcher's meeting.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
-- Thomas Edison

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

12 Dancing Princesses Need to Be Grounded

Image from Pixabay

I saved some of my favorite books from my childhood for my children, including a collection of Grimm's Fairy Tales. When I reread the "The Twelve Dancing Princesses," I realized it was the first time I had read the tale as a mom.

Reaction as a little girl: "Oooh, sneaking out and dancing all night sounds like fun!"
Reaction as a mom: "Those princesses need to be grounded, STAT!"

If you're not familiar with the fairy tale, a King has 12 beautiful daughters who manage to sneak out and dance all night long in a castle underground. The King offers marriage to any man who can successfully stalk the princesses and figure out what they're up to all night.

Because you know those princesses are not just sneaking out and dancing... you're going to end up with 12 princesses on "16 and Pregnant." I don't care how many shoes they go through, that doesn't prove they're dancing.

And where is their mother, the Queen, in the story? Is she just exhausted from popping out a dozen girls? Is her last name Duggar?

Last, but not least, the youngest princess gets stuck marrying her stalker. This is just a horrible story all around.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer..

#SharetheLoad Encourages Husbands to Share Chores

I just watched this ad after folding two loads of laundry, so it definitely hit a nerve. Ariel India created a television ad that encourages husbands to share the load for household chores, but I think the campaign applies to U.S. households as well.

The problem in my household is that my husband does some fuzzy math and thinks that he is doing half the work. When we were first married without children, he would do his laundry and I would do my laundry. So that was a 50-50 split.

However, now that we have two children, he still does his laundry. But now I do my laundry and the laundry for both children. So he now does 25% of the laundry, and I do 75%. However, he still feels like he is doing his fair share. He's still doing his own laundry, so that's 50%, right?

No,  not with two kids that manage to go through at least two outfits a day. Not to mention the mass of dirty towels that piles up after bath time. Sometimes I look at the huge pile of laundry to fold and feel like the miller's daughter in Rumpelstiltskin, trying in vain to spin straw into gold.

Don't worry, we have fought about this before, so I am not turning to my blog to air our dirty laundry (no pun intended!)

What do you think? Does your husband #sharetheload of laundry and household chores?

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.