Sunday, July 1, 2018

Wait, I Don't Need Bifocals -- Do I?

As I approach my 45th birthday, I have been facing the signs of aging with equanimity. I dye my hair every month and fastidiously pluck out the gray hairs from my eyebrows. I have accepted the fact my metabolism has slowed down since my 20s.

However, I didn't realize I would need bifocals so soon! This has been a major stumbling block for me. Although I squint while reading the newspaper, and may have picked up a few large-print books from the library, that doesn't mean I need bifocals, right?

Bifocals mean I am unequivocally old. Bifocals mean I am turning into my mother. Bifocals mean an AARP membership is looming in my future.

In a desperate bid to stave off bifocals, I even went to a LASIK consultation. The eye doctor rattled off a bunch of jargon, and then told me he would have to do bifocal LASIK surgery. One eye would be optimized for near distance, and another would be optimized for far distance.

Or I could both eyes lasered to 20/20 vision -- and then have to wear reading glasses anyway.

My mom assured me that no one can even tell she wears bifocals nowadays. Her blended bifocals are both discreet and fashionable, with no tell-tale line demarcating the lenses.

In hindsight, I should've also listened to my mom 35 years ago. I would sneak a flashlight to bed and stay up late reading under the covers. When she caught me, she said I was going to ruin my eyes.

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Developing Calluses for Parenting

I recently started teaching myself the acoustic guitar. After scoring a $100 used guitar from Craig's List, I sat down and practiced every day for a week, until my fingertips were tender. Eventually, second thoughts starting creeping in as I winced every time I tried to play a note.

Is this going to hurt every time I play the guitar?
Can I return a guitar I bought from the backseat of a Kia?
Am I going to be as bad at the guitar as I was at the violin?

Finally, after a couple of weeks, I developed calluses on the pads of the fingers of my left hand. I showed my husband proudly, making him feel the toughness at the tips of my fingers. Now I can play guitar to my heart's content.

Now that my children are older, I feel like I have finally developed calluses for parenting. If they're crying inconsolably after 8 p.m., I don't try to analyze the cause of their distress. I just put them to bed.

If the children don't want to eat my home-microwaved meals, I don't dig through the cabinets searching for a delicious meal they will accept instead. I just tell them they're going to be hungry later.

There's still a few situations I haven't developed calluses for, including any situations involving actual bloodshed. Also, when I unexpectedly find them holding hands, my heart also still melts into a puddle.

What are some of your parenting calluses? Let me know in the comments section.

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Choose Your Own Adventure for Middle-Aged Women


I remember loving the Choose Your Own Adventure book series for children. Before the Internet, it was as close as you could get to interactive entertainment because your choice would determine the next adventure.

For some reason, there is a dearth of Choose Your Own Adventure books for my current demographic, which is the untapped market of middle-aged women. I suppose this means I will have to create my own series.

1. You wake up on a Sunday morning and the children are still asleep. What do you do?
A. Do the crossword puzzle
B. Go back to sleep
C. Wake up the children because you miss them

If you picked A: Yawn! Live a little, but continue to the next adventure.
If you picked B: Good choice! Continue to the next adventure.
If you picked C: Bad choice! You just broke the silence. Your adventure is over. Start again.

2. You feel like you need a new hobby. What do you do?
A. Join a book club
B. Learn how to play acoustic guitar
C. Take up belly-dancing

If you picked A: Yawn! Live a little, but continue to the next adventure.
If you picked B: Good choice! Continue to the next adventure.
If you picked C: Bad choice! You just broke a hip. Your adventure is over. Start again.

4. It's time to go car shopping. What car do you decide to buy?
A. A sensible minivan
B. A cost-conscious compact
C. A snazzy convertible

If you picked A: Yawn! Live a little, but continue to the next adventure.
If you picked B: Good choice! Continue to the next adventure.
If you picked C: Bad choice! You just broke the bank with your insurance payments. Your adventure is over. Start again.

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

A Cynic's Guide to Children's Clothes

Usually, I enjoy shopping for children's clothes -- except around Valentine's Day. Something about the forced symphony of pink hearts and cloying phrases brings out my cynical side, which has been more or less held in check by the hormonal rush of motherhood.

As I wandered through the aisles of Target, this Minnie Mouse number caught my eye. "Perfect Match" is emblazoned across a T-shirt featuring Mickey and Minnie Mouse.

But are they a perfect match? They are the same species: cartoon mouse. However, they have been dating since shortly after their introduction as cartoons in 1928. Basically they have been dating for around 90 years without getting married.

I would say it's time for Minnie to kick Mickey to the curb. Is there a T-shirt which reads "Dating for 90 years means he's a commitment-phobe" out there? No? Not a best-seller, I suppose.

Another pair of girls sweatpants proclaimed "Love Conquers All," on which I again beg to differ. Sometimes geography conquers all. Sometimes jealousy conquers all. Sometimes illness conquers all.

Perhaps it could be changed to "Sometimes love conquers all, but sometimes it just helps you through a rough patch." Again, perhaps too long for sweatpants. But it could set up little girls for more realistic expectations.

On the other hand, boys clothes seem to have a variety of cheeky phrases that don't revolve around love. A boys T-shirt with Darth Vader proclaims "I need my space." I can get behind that one.

I fondly remember the wave of NASA T-shirts for both boys and girls last year. Can we just do "I need my space" for both genders and leave love out of it?

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Across the Mom Divide

Photo © Pixabay
Two months ago, I returned to work full-time for the first time after having my children -- which I hope excuses my recent lack of attention to this blog. I sometimes feel like I don't have time to finish a sentence, let alone a blog post.

The last time I worked full-time in an office, I was a single lady with not even a cat to command my attention.

I remember feeling jealous of the married ladies who would chat about their kitchen remodels and weekend outings with their families. I wanted to come home every night to  a loving husband and adoring children.

Fast forward a decade, and now I'm jealous of the fresh-faced young women who can wear pants without an elastic waist. The lovely singletons jaunt off to the mountains without advance planning, and can go to happy hour on a whim. They can even -- wait for it -- sleep past 7 a.m. on a weekend!

The mom divide is real, but it's partly my fault. The easiest way to make small talk with another woman is to ask about her children. I honestly don't care if another woman has children or not, but I know that I can offer up enough anecdotes about my children to keep the conversation going.

Perhaps as women, we need to agree on some acceptable topics for small talk that don't revolve around our families. For example, women don't chat about sports to break the ice, even in Broncos country. Men can just strike up a conversation about quarterbacks, and they're off and running for a good 10 minutes at least.

Politics are verboten at most offices, so that leaves the weather. I live in Denver, so that consists of whether it's going to snow sooner -- or later. What do you think? Do you have any good topics for small talk that span the mom divide?

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Preparation is Key -- in Painting and Picture Books


Photo © Pixabay
This morning, I optimistically set out to finish painting our small half-bathroom, which measures around 12
square feet. However, due to a complete lack of preparation, after an hour of fruitless labor, my bathroom still needs to be painted.

While I was bashing the paint roller encrusted with paint on the picnic table outside to try and dislodge the handle, it occurred to me that I displayed a similar lack of preparation while diving into writing my first picture book.

I had read plenty of picture books, so I thought I was prepared. I have also looked at plenty of painted walls, but that doesn't mean I have any clue how to get to the finished product. Like many authors, I considered a 500-word project to be an easy challenge.

As I've learned, a smaller project doesn't always mean it's easy. My tiny bathroom needs the same amount of work to prepare for painting as my larger kitchen. I still have to prime the walls, tape the edges and have the proper tools to finish the job.

Unfortunately, I can't just throw paint at he walls and hope it sticks into a pleasing pattern. With my first picture book, I wrote a rhyming story about a mischievous toddler. I didn't know anything about meter, but that didn't stop me.

When I attended my first SCBWI conference, I naively thought publishers and agents would promptly sign my book. No one was interested, but I did learn about the 12x12 Challenge, an online writing program for aspiring picture book writers.

Through 12x12, I learned about the basics of rhyme and meter. I'm still learning about the craft of writing for children, and trying to create the perfect story arc. The program helps keep me accountable, although I have not quite met the goal of writing 12 manuscripts in 12 months.

I don't mean to discourage anyone from jumping in and writing their first draft, or attempting to paint their walls. However, it may be worth your time to learn the basics of the craft first. Thankfully, a slapdash wall can be painted over -- and a sloppy manuscript can be revised.

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.
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Friday, July 7, 2017

Wonder Woman is Awesome -- But So is Wonder Mom


After I finally saw the Wonder Woman movie, I got to thinking about how her magical powers would benefit moms everywhere. I propose the following upgrades to her super powers for Wonder Mom, the everyday heroine.
  • Wonder Mom's bracelets
    The bracelets deflect bullets -- as well as sarcasm, judgment from other moms and evil glares at the grocery store when your children have a meltdown because they can't eat the entire candy aisle.
  • Wonder Mom's costume
    Obviously, the costume needs a few tweaks for practicality's sake. Let's face it, a strapless leather bustier and miniskirt is not going to work. Instead, I propose a romper that is machine washable and includes a nursing bra. Perhaps a two-piece option with a skort could also work.
  • Wonder Mom's Lasso of Truth
    The lasso could be downsized to fit in a purse or diaper bag, but comes in handy for tricky situations when both children blame broken objects or the dog. However, the lasso should be used on husbands or partners sparingly.
  • Wonder Mom's invisible plane
    The plane didn't make it into the movie, but comic book readers should be familiar with Wonder Woman's favorite form of transportation. The invisible plane makes any commute a breeze, but car seats will have to be installed for safety.
In exchange for my brilliant ideas, I would like to be Gal Gadot for 24 hours. That is all.

Nina Snyder is the author of "ABCs of Balls," a children's picture book that makes learning the alphabet fun for toddlers. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.