Rules of Dating for Game of Thrones

Ladies of Westeros, there are many fine-looking men in the seven kingdoms. But it might take a little due diligence to weed out the winners from the losers. So here is a handy quiz to bring along with you on that first date. Some of these questions touch on delicate subjects, so make sure to wait until after the first flagon of wine.

Warning: Spoilers are ahead if you haven't watched "Game of Thrones." 

1. Have you taken a vow of chastity recently?
2. Have you slept with your twin sister?
3. Have you murdered one of your paramours?
4. Do you have an unnatural attachment to your hunting dogs?
5. Have you sacrificed any family members to the Lord of Light?
6. Do you happen to be a eunuch?
7. Are you obsessed with a woman half your age?

Well, that leaves us with one man. The sweet-natured Samwell Tramly is the only candidate worth a second date in the seven kingdoms. He's literate, from a good family, and he clearly loves his mother. He's also unfortunately taken. 

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Pandemic New Year's resolutions

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Ah, New Year's resolutions. The time-honored tradition of making yourself promises that you will break after a month. This year, I am going to make New Year's resolutions that I can definitely stick to for the full year. So far my New Year's resolutions for 2021 have boiled down to:

1. Survive global pandemic
2. Get COVID-19 vaccine when available
3. Wear a mask

According to a survey by Allianz Life, 57% of Americans rank health and wellness as their top priority for 2021, and 61% of Americans said they were more stressed in 2020 compared to the previous year.

“If 2020 taught us anything, it emphasized the idea that anything can happen, and we need to be prepared for the unexpected," said Aimee Johnson from Allianz Life in a news release.

That is the understatement of the year! 

Next year, I hope I will be able to return my regular New Year's resolutions of losing weight and going to the gym. Are you making New Year's resolutions for 2021?

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Math story problems for moms

Image by Pixapopz from Pixabay

After a month of attempting to my help my 8-year-old son with his homework, I have to say I'm a bit worried about whoever writes his story problems for math.

Actual math problem: Jack sees 12 birthday presents on the table, and 30 presents in the closet. How many birthday presents is he getting in total?

Wait, what? Why is this child getting 42 presents for his birthday? Can we just set the bar a little lower, please? I've never gotten 42 presents for anything, except my wedding, and I had to split those.

Here are some story problems that reflect real life a lot better, in my opinion.

1. Mom is supervising 3 hours of remote school and 2 hours of homework per day. How many total hours of unpaid labor per day is she working?
   
2. Mom has decided everyone should wear their clothes for 3 days in a row since no one is going anywhere. How many loads of laundry is she still doing?
   
3. Mom had done 2 jigsaw puzzles with 500 pieces for each puzzle. How long did it take her to finish each puzzle?
   
4. Mom can only binge-watch television after her two children go to sleep. How many hours of television can she watch each day?
   

Answer key:

1. 12,765 billion hours.
2. Somehow it's the same amount of laundry!
3. She will never finish because there's always a missing piece.
4. One hour if she's lucky.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Remote learning isn't remotely stressful, right?

Image by 192635 from Pixabay

After a lovely 52 days of in-person school, the school district decided to move to remote learning on Monday due to a surge in COVID-19 cases in Colorado. I took a week off work to make sure my kindergartener and second-grader got set up for a smooth transition. I carefully set up both their laptops on the dining room table and gathered their passwords in a neat pile.

• Monday: First 30 minutes pass quietly. This is going to be no problem, right?
  My son gets mad because my daughter has a break and he doesn't.
  His teacher calls me ater school to see why he was crying.
  
• Tuesday: The laptop is mysteriously showing the ceiling on the webcam. I have no idea how to fix it.
  We switch laptops, which causes my daughter to be 30 minutes late logging onto Zoom.
  
• Wednesday: The children start throwing their snacks at each other during break.
  My son decides to wear his Chewbacca hat on camera.
  
• Thursday: I can't find the correct worksheet in the bin filled with reams of paper.
  I finally make a fake worksheet that looks the same.
  
• Friday: The children are obnoxiously eating their breakfast during class.
  They get into a wrestling match and are separated into different rooms.

Made it through one week! Only 123 days more to go, not that I'm counting every minute. No, I'm not remotely stressed. Why do you ask?

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Is that a feeling of hope?

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

When I heard Joe Biden had won the presidency this morning, I sat down and cried tears of relief. I don't think this country could survive another four years under President Trump, who has systematically tried to dismantle democracy. 

I went about my day with a feeling of lightness. I ran errands. I went to the post office. I went to grab a cup of coffee. I could barely even recognize the feeling bubbling under the surface. Was it hope?

I'm registered as an Independent, so I don't even follow politics that closely, but I also have read the Constitution at least once. My hope is that President Trump has exposed all the loopholes we need to fix. Any norm that relies on common decency is clearly not enough. We need to make it a law for presidents to release their taxes or divest their businesses.

To be sure, there will still be challenges ahead. My children's school is moving to remote learning on Nov. 16 due to the coronavirus pandemic. Cases are surging in Colorado, and Denver is moving to a 10 p.m. curfew this weekend. 

A long winter appears on the horizon, but at least I can picture a spring at some point in the future. A spring with President Joe Biden who respects the rule of law, who believes in science and who will try to stop Americans from dying from COVID-19. 

I don't even care about Biden's political agenda. I just care that there is a sane adult in the White House. 

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Quiz: Are we living in 2020 or the Middle Ages?

Image by Pezibear from Pixabay

Sometimes the world can be a disorienting place, especially in times of global pandemics. To help determine which time period you are living in, here is a handy quiz.

1. Is there a plague sweeping through the land?
   Yes
   No
   

2. Is the leader of the country ignorant of science?
   Yes
   No
   

3. Do some people think it's a punishment by God?
   Yes
   No
   

4. Are the caretakers of the sick dying at alarming rates?
   Yes
   No
   

5. Are people wearing funny-looking masks?
   Yes
   No
   

If you answered yes to all the above questions, it's still hard to tell if it's the Middle Ages or not. However, if you are taking this quiz on a computer, it must be 2020.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.

Back to School in the Time of COVID-19

Graphic courtesy of chiplanay on Pixabay

"Don't forget your mask," I say lightly. 

I try to use the same tone of voice as I use for "Don't forget your water bottle!" and "Don't forget your lunch!"

My children have survived the first week of in-person school.  Sometimes I think they are more resilient than I am. 

Perhaps it's simple math. I have been alive for more than 40 years, so one year of wearing a mask to school is more of an anomaly than it is for my 5-year-old and 7-year-old.

I thought I would be thrilled to have some quiet time while my children are both in school, but instead I found myself missing them. I had gotten used to their constant presence in the past five months since their school district shut down in March due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Now they are back in school. Deep breath. With the same class sizes as last year. Deep breath. 

We live in Colorado, where the pandemic hasn't caused quite as much devastation as other states. At least not yet. Deep breath.

At least I am mastering a very important parenting skill known as "Pretend Everything is Normal Even When You're Freaking Out Inside." Simply because the alternative is to never let them leave the house.

Nina Snyder is the author of ABCS OF BALLS and the designer of the HOT PINK ORCHARD JOURNAL. Follow her on Twitter @nsnyder_writer.